Picking Up The Pieces
by Sanity's-overrated
Summary: Someone's there at the end to help Balthazar put his life back together.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**This is an idea that just won't leave me alone. I've been wanting to write something with these two, figured it would be flirty, smutty, just a lot of fun...an then my muse decides that it's going to be sad and showcase Gabriel's protective brother instinct and love for family and show how Balthazar deals with Cas calling him Judas and stabbing him. So now I have entered angstville and I'm desperately trying to find some comfort to go with all this hurt, hopefully will find some in in chapter 2

* * *

He's dead. It's the first thought that passes through his mind, but that isn't quite right.

His head is throbbing and his lungs burn in protest as he tries to draw in a breath of air. He feels like he's in a haze, he's aware of his limbs, but control still remains out of reach. He coughs trying to gulp in air and groans at the sharp sting radiating from his ribs that the motion brings.

No, he's not dead; too much pain for him to be dead.

There are cool fingers against his forehead brushing away his hair and a soft whisper of "You're gonna be ok, just breathe."

Talk about a blast from the past. He blinks his eyes open squinting against the harsh light trying to adjust to the brightness.

"Hey there sleeping beauty, glad you finally decided to join the land of the living."

Turning towards the voice, Balthazar coughs attempting to sit up.

"Gabe?"

And really he must be dead if he's seeing Gabriel. He wasn't there when it happened, but he heard from Cas…and oh that's still a sore subject. Perhaps pain does come with dying.

A hand pushes him back down, and his head is swimming too much to protest.

"The one and only," Gabriel grins, leaning into view so Balthazar can see him without having to move.

Eyes slipping shut Balthazar feels his brows knit together, "but you're dead?"

"Allegedly dead," Gabriel counters with a click of his tongue.

"Wha-how," he asks eyes opening in question and this time when he pushes up Gabriel doesn't stop him.

"A magician never reveals their tricks," he comments off-handedly.

Balthazar knows his brother well, and he knows when Gabriel rather not talk about something, so he nods and hesitantly asks, because he has to be sure, "I'm not…you know…"

Gabriel picks up on what he's trying to ask fairly quickly and shakes his head violently, "no, not at all."

"But I-"

"We never truly die Bal, our grace gets recycled and we come back on Earth. Dad could never kill his children, put us in time out yes, but the big guy has trouble with letting go of those he loves."

Balthazar looks around for the first time at the world around him, "and just where was I recycled?"

"Well originally you were intended for Rhode Island, but I pinched your grace. Trust me when I say that you'll like here far better."

"What's here exactly," Balthazar asks taking in the green hills and blue skies.

"Welcome to New Zealand," Gabriel beams extending his arms out to motion at the landscape.

"It's beautiful," Balthazar whispers in awe. Eyes turning to Gabriel, he nods softly, "you look good."

"Yea and you look like death worked over," Gabriel comments eyes roving over Balthazar taking in the haggard appearance of his brother.

Balthazar flinches, a hand coming to rest at the cool sliver of scarred flesh over his heart. _You don't know the half of it_, he wants to say; instead he remains quiet averting his eyes as his thumb skims over the scar.

Gabriel's eyes soften as he sees his brother's shoulders droop. "Bal, what happened up there?"

There's no answer, just shallow breathing and the soft stuttering of held back tears. _What happened?_

Hand coming up in an aborted attempt to soothe Balthazar, Gabriel falters and instead turns away, eyes slipping shut as his hands clench into fist murmuring, "Oh Cas, what did you do."

There's a sharp intake of air behind him and Gabriel knows he's hit the hammer on the head. _Cas you oblivious angel, what've you done._

"Gabe," the shaky hushed tone is like a direct blow to Gabriel, he stills turning to look at Balthazar. "Don't go…please?"

Gabriel nods silently as he moves to sit beside Balthazar, "of course not kiddo."

Balthazar is quiet and it makes Gabriel want to scream. This isn't his brother, this is a broken angel, and it hurts to see him this way. He doesn't mention Cas to Balthazar again, it's too soon, because while he's left behind a scar, the wound is still very much an open one.

The sun has long since set before Gabriel chances speaking again. Balthazar is a heavy weight against his chest, and while he's no longer shaking, Gabriel knows they have to move, it'll be getting cold soon and the ground is no place to sleep.

"Bal, we have to go," he whispers ducking his head to Balthazar's ear.

Grey eyes flutter open, still bleary with sleep, and Gabriel hates that he can see the haunted look in those orbs that use to dance with mischief.

"You can't stay here, I'm taking you home."

Gabriel sees the look of panic in Balthazar's eyes at the mention of home and how he tenses instantly and he feels like kicking himself. Until recently, home meant Heaven, but that's not really an option anymore.

"My home Bal, I'm taking you to my place."

He doesn't relax completely, but his shoulders are no longer a rigid line of tension, and Gabriel thinks he just might be able to get through to him.

"You still a fan of silk," he asks as he stands up dusting off his jeans.

Balthazar nods and Gabriel grins, "good, I have just the room for you," and then his fingers are on Balthazar's forehead and the lot is now empty, the last occupants thousands of miles away nestled into a safe house.

Gabriel's not stupid enough to think that Balthazar will talk and spill all the details tonight, so he leaves him alone, just showing him to his room and sending a silent prayer that his dreams remain terror free before he closes the door and heads to his room down the hall.

It's a week later before Balthazar begins to move out of his haze. He hasn't spoken much, a few words here and, often he simply sits out on the porch, legs pulled up to his chest, and just looks out over the landscape for hours on end. This morning however, a rainy Tuesday, the dam appears to finally be ready to burst.

There's a crash that has Gabriel running down stairs at a speed even Usain Bolt would envy, as he comes careening into the kitchen. It's the blood that he sees first, not the shattered china or the spilt tea.

Balthazar looks up at him wide eye and shaking, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I didn't mean to-"

"Shh, it's not your fault Bal. It's just a little mess."

An apparently those were the wrong words to say because now Balthazar is on his knees scrambling to pick up shards of the shattered cup an mumbling repeatedly "it's broken, gotta fix it, make it whole, gotta fix it…"

Gabriel feels tears sting his eyes as he watches his brother clutching pieces of broken china, the floor covered in a puddle of tea and blood.

Stepping forward Gabriel grabs a towel and kneels beside Balthazar. "Let it go Bal," he whispers reaching for his brother's hands.

"No!"

Gabriel's surprise by the force of the outburst, but he remains quiet knowing Balthazar needs a moment.

"I can fix this," he murmurs looking at the red tinted china in his hands.

Fingers wrapping around Balthazar's wrist, Gabriel carefully pulls the shards out of his grip. "You don't have to do it alone Bal."

Shuddering Balthazar lets his hand go lax and the pieces fall to the floor. "You'd help?"

Gabriel draws Balthazar's hands in his lap, softly dabbing away the blood, before he whispers "just say the word."

Nodding towards the bathroom Gabriel gently lets go of Balthazar's hands, "now let's go get you cleaned up." He's on his feet an heading to get supplies when he hears it.

"Thank you," it's soft, barely above a whisper, but Gabriel hears it nonetheless.

"It's nothing," he shrugs unscrewing the peroxide bottle.

That's the first day since he left that Gabriel sees Balthazar smile. It's barely a twitch of lips, but it's a start and he'll take it.


	2. Chapter 2

Whatever progress Gabriel thought he made with Balthazar that Tuesday was effectively wiped away the next day. Balthazar had stayed lucid as he cleaned out his cut bandaging up his hand, and Gabriel was thankful for that, but no sooner had he tucked the gauze in place did the blonde angel school his face back into an blank stare.

Gabriel didn't push it, he'd told Balthazar that he would help him…and he'd meant it, but that didn't mean that he was going to force his brother into anything. The angel would come to him when he was ready.

Or at least that's what Gabriel had believed. Only after the tea cup incident, Balthazar began to withdraw into himself even more.

He spent two full days in bed, simply curled up on his side with the shades drawn. He only came out because Gabriel had threatened to drag him out, and Gabriel still suspects he was simply humoring him on that one.

And even though he was out of his room, he only went one of two places. He was either curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket or out on the porch rocking slightly in his chair, knees pulled up to his chin.

Frankly, Gabriel was getting tired of the pity party. He wanted his brother back, not this shattered angel moping about the house hung up on the brother who just never got how important he was to Balthazar.

He stayed strong until the following Thursday, if he were to think it over he'd have chosen a different day for this talk with Balthazar. After all Thursday held a sentimental spot, but this moping business had gone on for too long.

He got it, he really did. Balthazar had lost more than a brother. He had been betrayed by the one person he thought he could always trust, the one person he loved, and Gabriel understood that he really did. That sort of thing stung, but sitting around sulking wasn't doing anybody any favors.

Castiel didn't seemed hurt…no Castiel had jammed an angel blade through his brother's heart to get to the souls in purgatory. Castiel was fine, but Bal, Bal was in some bad shape. He needed someone, even if he didn't think that he did.

Balthazar was curled up on the couch, head barely peeking out from under his blanket as he stared blankly at some mindless show droning on the television. Gabriel sighed having seen enough as he moved into the living room grabbing the remote and turning off the television.

"Bal, we need to talk."

The angel murmured something that sounded vaguely like "don't wanna talk" as he curled in tighter on himself rolling over to look at the couch cushions instead of Gabriel.

Pinching the bridge of his nose Gabriel went to sit on the coffee table by the couch resting his elbows on his knees. "Bal please…it's been over a month, you have to tell me something…anything."

There's a slight movement of the angel shaking his head no as he curls up tighter in on himself and Gabriel just sighs. _It's gonna be like that then._

Moving forward he tugs the blanket away from Balthazar saying sternly "Balthazar, look at me this instant."

"Why?"

"Look, you need to talk about it alright? Staying like this isn't healthy, you have to know that."

There's a dark chuckle as Balthazar turns slightly to look at Gabriel. "And why do you care? Didn't seem to care how I felt when you left."

And of course they're going to talk about it like this.

Gabriel swallows looking down, "Bal, you know I'm sorry about leaving, if there were another way to have done it I would have."

"There was another way, you could have stayed."

Gabriel shakes his head looking at Balthazar, "no, I couldn't have Bal, you know that. The fighting…I couldn't bear to watch them tear each other apart."

Moving to sit up, Balthazar looks at Gabriel shaking his head. "You didn't just leave the fighting behind you know…you left me too," he murmurs.

"Look Bal, I'm sorry, I really am. I never meant to hurt you."

"Yea, well you did. Jesus Gabe, do you know what that's like watching your brother take flight knowing you may never see him again? Cassie was too young to understand, but I did…that hurt like Hell Gabe," he says voice wavering a bit. "You were my hero you know that?" he chuckles shaking his head. "I wanted to be so much like you, and then you just left me."

Balthazar swallows looking down, if Gabe wanted to talk, they would talk, but he was controlling the subject.

"You weren't there, but Cassie was. He was always there, and I…I loved him Gabe, I did."

He doesn't know when it became past tense, he used to say love.

Gabriel seems to pick up on the –ed that didn't use to be there, but he stays silent. Balthazar is talking, and that's more than he's done in a long time.

Balthazar goes quiet looking down, "I loved him Gabe…"

"I know Bal," he murmurs not sure where Balthazar is going with this.

"All I ever wanted was to protect him. He was dealing with some serious things Gabe, purgatory and souls. No one is meant to have that much power; he was going to end up taking himself out with the aftershocks. I was just looking out for him…"

He's silent for a moment just looking down at the hands in his lap before he speaks again. "He didn't see it that way…called me Judas," his voice falters as a hand comes up to rub at his chest. Gabriel gets his first real good look of the scar left behind and he has to bite his bottom lip to keep from saying something stupid.

"I loved him…thought he loved me too. Suppose he moved on…or perhaps he never did," Balthazar murmurs looking down. He chuckles softly, or at least attempts to, it comes off more forced than anything as he says, "Am I really that forgettable? That unlovable, that all that history can be forgotten in a blink of an eye?"

"You're hardly forgettable Bal," he says softly reaching for his brother's hand.

He looks up eyes watering a bit as he shakes his head, "Oh yea? Certainly feels like I am."

Gabriel feels his heart fall a bit seeing his brother like this, so dejected. "You're not forgettable Bal," he murmurs, hand resting atop his brother's, "not to me."

"Then why'd you leave me," Balthazar murmurs softly.

"Oh Bal," he whispers moving from the coffee table to sit on the couch pulling Balthazar into a side-armed hug. "I'm an idiot…I shouldn't have left."

Leaning into Gabriel's hold Balthazar rests his head on his older brother's shoulder. "I left too you know," he says after a while.

Gabriel did in fact know about Balthazar leaving, but he wasn't about to interrupt his brother, this was the most he'd talked in a month, and if he had something to say, well Gabriel wasn't about to stop him.

"I faked my death and I left. Didn't think about how Cas would react, I just tucked tail and fled," he says voice wavering. "The war was still going on…You were gone, Dad was gone, Lucifer fell, Michael…Michael wasn't in a good place and I just, I took off when Cassie needed me most." Once the words start to flow they all just come tumbling forward. "I was such a coward back then," he adds as an afterthought.

Gabriel tightens his hold on Balthazar, he didn't think him leaving would be much of a change for the younger angel, but apparently he couldn't have been further from the truth.

"He found me later, looked as though he'd seen a ghost…he was so hurt I'd lied and I…I was too concerned with continuing a soiled existence undercover to truly grasp that," he gives a humorless chuckle. "I tried to make it up to him, I went back, joined his cause against Raphael, but I couldn't help him in the end…"

Balthazar goes quiet for a moment and Gabriel's almost certain that he's clamming up again before he hears it, just barely above a whisper, but he hears it all the same.

"He was working with Crowley…I couldn't let him do it, Purgatory, the souls, he would have killed himself if I didn't step in…" _instead he killed me_.

Gabriel rubs Balthazar's back pressing a light kiss to his brother's temple, "I know Bal, believe me I know…"

And he does. He remembers trying to reason with a brother who'd seen him as a traitor. He remembers being stabbed with an angel blade by said brother. Remembers how much that'd hurt, to be stabbed by someone you loved, who you thought loved you…so really he understands.

Balthazar goes quiet again curling against Gabriel and Gabriel doesn't push for more. He just holds Balthazar close, fingers brushing through his brother's blonde hair trying to keep him calm. He counts it as another victory when Balthazar leans into the touch, a hand gripping Gabriel's shirt.

They're getting there, one step at a time, and today was a big step.


End file.
